Can I Please Just Be Honest?
I really don't feel like I am one to complain, so I won't. Instead, I'll just be honest.
I LOVE being a mom. I LOVE Quinn more than I ever thought I could love anything or anyone. He is simply amazing. He's such a happy guy, has a great personality, and brings out the best in everyone, but nonetheless, I am exhausted.
I long for the days where I could be spontaneous, where I could go for a run just because I felt like I wanted to run and not because I had 45 minutes and it was the only 45 minutes of my day where a run would fit in. I miss being able to lay on the couch and sleep just because I want to. I miss shopping by myself some days. I love having Quinn around, but sometimes being a mom just leaves you wondering if you have an identity aside from that of "Mom." When is it that we get to refuel our own fires and take time 100% to ourselves? I know I know, Brad can step up and help and he does, but I don't think he can completely understand how I'm feeling about parenting just as I can't completely grasp how he feels. As much as he looks forward to his weekends because it's the only time he has to "play," I look forward to my weekends because it's the only time where there's a possibility of me not having a shadow around 24/7.
This post is coming out of pure exhaustion. Quinn has been battling a double ear infection for 6 weeks, has been through 3 rounds of antibiotics and now has started a series of shots and is still not getting better. The poor guy is coughing up a storm, doesn't know if he wants to be held or put down, is so whiny (except when he forgets that he's sick and laughs...which makes it all better for me), and is not sleeping well. On top of that, Brad is out of town for his first moutain bike race of the year so I'm on my own. The good news is, Brad will be home tonight and if I have it my way, tomorrow will be my spontaneous day =)
I LOVE being a mom. I LOVE Quinn more than I ever thought I could love anything or anyone. He is simply amazing. He's such a happy guy, has a great personality, and brings out the best in everyone, but nonetheless, I am exhausted.
I long for the days where I could be spontaneous, where I could go for a run just because I felt like I wanted to run and not because I had 45 minutes and it was the only 45 minutes of my day where a run would fit in. I miss being able to lay on the couch and sleep just because I want to. I miss shopping by myself some days. I love having Quinn around, but sometimes being a mom just leaves you wondering if you have an identity aside from that of "Mom." When is it that we get to refuel our own fires and take time 100% to ourselves? I know I know, Brad can step up and help and he does, but I don't think he can completely understand how I'm feeling about parenting just as I can't completely grasp how he feels. As much as he looks forward to his weekends because it's the only time he has to "play," I look forward to my weekends because it's the only time where there's a possibility of me not having a shadow around 24/7.
This post is coming out of pure exhaustion. Quinn has been battling a double ear infection for 6 weeks, has been through 3 rounds of antibiotics and now has started a series of shots and is still not getting better. The poor guy is coughing up a storm, doesn't know if he wants to be held or put down, is so whiny (except when he forgets that he's sick and laughs...which makes it all better for me), and is not sleeping well. On top of that, Brad is out of town for his first moutain bike race of the year so I'm on my own. The good news is, Brad will be home tonight and if I have it my way, tomorrow will be my spontaneous day =)
posted by Maria Pope @ 9:52 AM
3 Comments:
At March 12, 2011 at 12:43 PM ,
Danno said...
Hey Maria. Just happened to catch this post as I was about to start one of my own. No worries on the negativity. It wouldn't be natural if you didn't have those feelings and they are completely understandable. Me and JV are going through it too (sick kiddo, inequality of responsibility etc). We're all in one very noble, irrational, and (I just read a study that said...) delusional parent club! Take heart though. It will pass.
At March 12, 2011 at 7:26 PM ,
kate said...
Oh, Maria. I am just so sorry about the ear infections. Absolutely awful I'm sure. Reese has her first single ear infection, and I don't like it one bit. I can't imagine all that you are battling with an ongoing double infection. However, I CAN imagine everything else about this post. Forget spontaneity. I try to remind myself that "mom" is just part of my identity...not my whole identity. It's the greatest blessing being a mom, but it's also EXHAUSTING. I hope your day tomorrow is all you want it to be!! :)
At March 12, 2011 at 8:31 PM ,
Andrea said...
Just know you aren't the only one that feels this way. Being a mommy is more wonderful than you can imagine but it is also more difficult than you can imagine. Honestly this is the very reason I am not a stay at home mom. I love my children but I need time away from them too.
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